SO?
What am I doing here?
What did I do wrong?
What did I do,
that I should be singled out,
that I should be the one in jail?

You could say,
where were you
you know
all those years.
While you know things were not so good.
Objected
in a way
putting on the odd play or two
whatever the point of that was
the voice of conscience
that knows just how far to go
but not too far

No. True enough.
No one had to shut me down!
They could count on me
to be brave seeming
right thinking
timid.
In short:
a pillar of the state.

I mean one could say
what is an artist anyhow
in essence
if not a supporter of the status quo
since it would be hard to argue that a work of art can change history
and therefore, ipso facto
a work of art is an exercise in accepting things as they are
which is, in and of itself
a way of supporting the status quo.

You have all these artists who like to say of themselves
well, I am changing the world
and if they like to say it
there is no harm in it
except that it's not true
and it gets an artist in the habit of lying
and expecting his lies to be accepted
so that, when his lies are not accepted
he is in a snit

Or not, or not
it may be that a work of art contributes
to the common discourse of the culture
and so, in some modest way,
supports or undermines the status quo
but really so what?
I mean if you really care
whether this fellow on the street has no food or clothes
the most useful thing to do is not to put on a play
but give him food.

I know the arguments for art
I've made them all myself.

A work of art
unlike any other work of human beings
because it is created in the complete freedom
of the imagination
is the purest expression we have of human freedom
and as such it shows us how to be free
indeed how to be human.

Well, OK.
There's not much demand for that sort of thing nowadays
you couldn't get someone to pay for it
cash on the barrelhead.

And anyway,
this is not what I was saying all these years
I myself
speaking freely

what I would say all those years was
well,
there's nothing to be done
there's nothing to be done
so let's have a good time
that was what I had to say.
Or, in my optimistic moments I would say:
you can fix this a little bit
not revolution but evolution
you can try to mollify the excesses
you can keep certain bad people
or certain tendencies of the society
or the social structure
from going to that extra degree of cruelty.
It may be that things must be hard
but maybe not exactly cruel.
And this--to soften the blow
this is all a prudent man can do
if he understands the world the way it is.

And then you find, well:
all that smart temporizing stuff you said
that was not true
there was something to be done after all.
You were wrong.
You are a dumbkompf.

Who was to know?
How should I have known?
And then you say: yes.
You could not have known.
And even if you had, what could you have done?
When, as we all know,
these things are not up to any individual.
It takes a whole class of people
the proper mentalities
the objective historical forces
the right timing
and so forth.
And yet, nonetheless, you can't help but feel:
even if it is true that you are a useless little speck of dirt
who couldn't have done a thing all by yourself
nonetheless if you didn't even try,
well then,
too bad:
guilty
guilty
you are guilty!
That's all.
Next!

And I myself thought
what have you learned from this?
What can make it good
if anything can
not that anything can make it good
but at the very least what have you learned from this?
You have to speak up
speak up
speak up
this is what there was to learn
speak up
but then I didn't.
When it came my turn,
you know, you think,
well, this is nothing in comparison with these other things
This is just the way the world works
you don't want to be naive
the world is not run by Buddhist monks!
This is how it is and was and ever shall be
save yourself for the really big ones
when you really need to make a stand
hold to it
risking death
and so forth.

You could make your way along the margins all through your life
staying in the shadows of the tall buildings
with no one noticing just how nasty a piece of work you are
but when you live a nasty life out in the world as well
and all those lies come back in to invade your private life
twisting around the sort of person you are
even in the privacy of your living room
even you take it to bed with you
how it is you make love
or can't make love
and it makes you angry
to be so cheated of the life you might have had on earth
you become a brutal piece of shit.

So forget about it.
Let's all try now to start all over
Let bygones be bygones.
We start with a clean slate.
This is a beautiful earth
a beautiful planet
we are human beings
capable of great good
let's start here from zero.

Today is a new day.


(Thanks to dear Mee, I am allowed to dedicate this to whomever I want. So I`m dedicating it to you, whoever you are)